I'm baaaaaaaaack!

I decided that today is the day to start (crazy, really, since the holidays aren't yet over and I am sure I will be consuming massive amounts of food and drink tomorrow) because it is exactly 8 months from my next birthday and the 30th seemed like a good weigh-in/reevaluation day. Plus February doesn't have a 30th so I can pretend that month didn't happen!

So I suppose the holidays could have been worse for weight gain - I start this leg of the journey at 221.0 pounds. And it is true that my pants don't fit, my shirts are getting tight and even my underwear is strangling my innards.

I am trying to figure out how to motivate myself - how to truly find the thing(s) that I need to be able to stay on this path for good. I fully expect to take some totally fattening side trips from time to time but I HAVE to get this done. For myself, for my family, for my quality of life. How that is to happen remains to be seen.

Couldn't tell ya...

what I have been eating or how much I weigh. It has been one hell of a week. I have been sick and there has been so much going on I feel like I may never sleep again.

Really?

Things just keep getting worse. I am now up to 218.5 according to my scale. I feel like dog shit (sore throat and cough) and just want to shrink down to a size 8 by tomorrow. Is that really too much to ask?

New beginning

I am in my new spot...the other blog site just wasn't working for me. Nor was the weight loss thing, but that is a whole 'nother story...

Things in fatland are not going well...I have put on 6 pounds since I last posted a weight and I bought two new pairs of jeans in the next larger size. My "aha" moment has come and gone and I am hungrier than ever. With the holidays coming up, my little guy entering the "terrible twos" a little early and my motivation at an all time low, fat camp way out of my price range (yeah, I checked) I have decided it is time to do something drastic. REALLY drastic...

I AM GOING TO DO THE ST. JUDE HALF-MARATHON NEXT DECEMBER!!!!!!

I learned with the 60 mile walk that it is really a good thing for me to have a goal that I am locked into (i.e. paid money and told people about). Otherwise, I can tell myself there is always tomorrow. I have not announced this to the world on my "real" blog yet because I am still too embarrassed to have my family shaking their heads and chuckling and mumbling "yeah, right!" when I say it. I am not sure how I am going to go from a 216 pound couch potato who would struggle to run a block even with a bear chasing me to someone who can run 13 miles, but I have a year to figure it out. I guess I better get my fat ass moving.

Can't get my act together

I am still alive and still eating and I just can’t seem to get my act together to post about it. I could barely zip my jeans up when I put them on yesterday. Dammit, this is going nowhere good. I have to get things under control.

Is this my aha moment?

I think I may have finally had my aha moment. You know, the one when I finally figure out what it is that makes me stuff myself full of food and stay fat. And it may have come in the form of a facebook comment thread. I am going to sleep on it and see how it feels in the morning.

One Response

• Debi

  Any chance it will give me any answers, too?

  Whatever it is, my dear friend, I hope it helps you.

After all...

today is another day. Or tomorrow is…or whatever. I am definitely no Scarlett O’Hara as I am lacking the 16 inch waist or whatever ridiculousness that was.

I didn’t weigh today, but I am going to make a valiant attempt to get back on the wagon and think a little harder about what I shove in my mouth today. Do not, however, take that to mean that I might put on my tennis shoes and get some exercise. Baby steps…baby steps…

I am still here

But I am tired. And I haven’t weighed myself. Or exercised. Or counted calories. I don’t know why this has to be SO. FREAKIN’. HARD

What I need...

Fat camp. Or a personal chef to fix me beautiful, tasty, low calorie nutritious morsels that will stop me from seeing potato chips and creme brulee and fettucine alfredo in my dreams. Why is it that this weight loss battle is one I just can’t seem to win? Of course there are other things in life that are hard, but somehow I manage to get through all of those things. I guess it would help if I didn’t like food so much, but seriously, this is just ridiculous. I can’t even figure out any deeply rooted emotional issues that would hold me back. And I have looked.

So today is another day. I am going to attempt to be aware of what I eat and make good choices. I am going to try to figure out what is happening in my brain when I put food in my mouth. I just really hope that I can figure this out. I am tired. But mostly, I am tired of being fat.

1 Response

• Debi

  This post totally made me want to cry. Because I get it all too well. I don’t think I have any underlying emotional issues at the root of my weight problem either. I really don’t. I suspect there are biological reasons that play a part, and there’s stress, and there’s sleep deprivation, etc. But still I can’t help but just see myself as a big fat jerk for not being able to lose this weight. I’m not stupid…I know what I have to do. But I can’t seem to do it. I thought nothing would ever be harder than quitting smoking all those years ago. Ha! That was a piece of cake in comparison. Truthfully, I think if you could live without eating at all, I’d be much better off…I can sort of cling to total deprivation. But having to put food in my mouth–well, I seem to just rebel completely when it comes to making the right choices.
  Sorry, didn’t mean to babble on here. Really just wanted to say that I understand. And I’m still here cheering you on through this hell on earth battle.

Let's just forget...

that this weekend’s food trauma ever happened. I will weigh in tomorrow and start again.

I am actually not hungry at this moment. Maybe that is what eating enough food for 34 people in a three day span will do for you. Not a very good long term diet strategy, but I will take what I can get at the moment.

1 Response

• Debi

  I hate myself!!!! Yes, because I’m soooooo relieved to see this post! Because I was going to write one nearly identical to it myself. So, we can just pretend that we’re starting this whole journey today, right?

The Past 24 Hours

I have been MIA. That is because I have been too busy shoving every kind of fattening food known to man in my mouth. Pizza, cake and ice cream, a quarter pounder with cheese and fries, Fritos, beer…yeah, it’s been pretty ugly. When cooler heads prevail and I recover from my food induced stupor, I will be back. With a weight update and a new plan.

Another Day

It is almost 10 am and I haven’t had anything to eat yet. A big no-no, but I have been busy running around and I am having dinner out tonight. I actually can’t decide whether it is worse to eat out with all of the lovely high calorie choices or to stay at home where I can pull one thing after another out of the pantry to snack on. I think maybe the best plan of attack is just to get braces and have them tightened every week so my teeth hurt too much to chew. Of course that could lead to things like milkshakes. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm…milkshakes.

As an aside, unfortunately my newly washed jeans aren’t any looser than they were last time they were newly washed (as if they would be after 4 days!). Damn patience and persistence…can’t I get some immediate gratification here?

One Response

• Debi

  Hey, at least you still wear jeans!

  I checked out the Daily Plate. That thing is fantastic!!! I really think I’m going to try to use it, too. But it made me realize that I must pack in even more calories a day than I even realized (and I already knew I packed in a lot!). I set it for losing 1.5 pounds a week, and even at that I could still eat a hell of a lot of calories. Then again, all the fun stuff has a hell of a lot of calories, doesn’t it?

What day is it Anyway?

It feels like about day 843 of this diet. I haven’t even gotten to the couch for late night TV time yet and I am already 900 calories over my daily limit on the Daily Plate. Not good. I was actually not doing too badly until a trip to Cold Stone Creamery for an impromptu birthday party. I even ordered the smallest size. Who knew there are over 600 calories in one cup of Birthday Remix? No wonder everyone in the country is so freakin’ fat! I guess I should have had the sense to stick with sherbet. Or I should have brought my own apple to eat, right Debi?

One Response

• Debi

  Hey, even Rich wouldn’t have brought an apple to an ice cream joint! We’re shooting for lifestyle change…not a trip to the loony, right?

  Okay, I gotta ask–what’s the Daily Plate? Is this a part of Weight Watchers or some other plan, or is it something you designed for yourself? Just curious nosy.

Here It Comes

I realized I never did post just how many pounds I am carrying around on this ass of mine and since Debi (since I am incapable of figuring out how to link her blog in here you will just have to see it on my sidebar) posted her weight, here it is. As of 8:00 this morning, I weighed 210.5 pounds. Too bad I am not 7′6″. Then this weight would be acceptable.

I am waiting on my car (which still thankfully weighs more than I do) and plotting my lunch strategy. I am DYING for a Taco Bell fix and am thinking if I choose wisely I can have lunch there. Granted, I can probably only have 1/3 of a taco. And of coure I have plenty of self control to stop at that..

3 Responses

• Debi

  Yes…that’s exactly what we need…one of those old torture machines that stretches us out!!! I think being stretched a few feet would be a heck of lot less torturous than trying to lose this damn weight.

  Did you hit Taco Bell? Our family book club at the pizza joint was not kind to me. Oh, okay, I was not kind to me…blah, blah, blah, and take responsibility for my own choices, right? But come on, pizza sitting there. On the table. In front me. With that wonderful pizza aroma…

• hungry

  Of course I hit Taco Bell. Missing a chance like that would have been a crying shame! And pizza isn’t actually the worst food out there calorie and nutrition wise…you likely did better than I did at Cold Stone!

• Debi

  This is most fun diet experience EVER!!!! I am, however, wondering if we’re ever going to master the art of motivation. Motivation to “not eat,” that is… (Is it bad to admit that a very big part of me–okay ALL parts of me are big–hopes that we don’t?)

Day 2 - Night

10:52 pm to be exact. This is by far the worst time of day for me. I am a night owl and I love being awake while the rest of the house sleeps. I can play on the computer, watch TV, catch up on laundry and EAT! I love nothing more than to sit in front of the TV, catch up on my soap opera and eat something(s) really yummy. Ice cream, cookies, potato chips, cheese and crackers, candy, popcorn - basically whatever I can wrap my fingers around. No doubt that I put away at least 40% of my daily caloric intake between the hours of 10 pm and 1 am. So it stands to reason that if I can stop this late night eating I could drop some weight. Nevermind that the thought makes me want to curl up in the fetal position and cry. But I am going to try VERY hard to at least cut WAY back. Tonight I ate a big mutigrain cracker with a wedge of laughing cow cheese, a small Slim Jim and 8 celery sticks wit some tomato bacon dressing. Still a binge, I realize but I stopped short of the bucket of Halloween candy and a big bowl of ice cream with Magic Shell and sprinkles. Nevermind that we are currently out of ice cream - it still makes me feel good that I didn’t eat any.

2 Responses

• Debi

  Okay, I think I may have a few more denial problems than you. Your snack last night, which you called a “binge”…well, I was thinking about how well you’d done, how that was just a little snack, and how you should be very proud of yourself.

  Plus, you could have gone out and bought more ice cream and you didn’t!

  I’m not sure what to do about our damn bowl of Halloween candy…I didn’t touch it yesterday (due in large part, I’m sure to the fact that I’d already raided it for all the Almond Joys), but I need to face the fact that I can only resist it for so long. It needs to be disposed of…and not by route of my stomach!

  Okay, here’s to a new day! A day where we’re gonna rock this whole diet thing!!! Go Kara!!! (Imagine me in a cheerleader uniform jumping around shaking pom-poms…if that imagine doesn’t force you into starvation mode, nothing will!!!)

• Debi

  LMAO at your comment…that’s right–who’s going to last longer when famine sets in, you and I or Aaron and Rich?!!

Day 2 - Lunch

Not even 36 hours in and I have already fallen off the wagon. I had a fabulous lunch at On the Border complete with chips, salsa, and a beautiful steak fajita salad. With sour cream and guacamole on it. YUUUUUUUUUMMMMM! It is probably a bad sign that I don’t even have too much regret. Until I check the restaurant website and see how many calories I just consumed. I am already planning a dinner or two celery sticks and a carrot. I am sure that will work out - ha!

On the brighter side, my friend Debi, has joined me on this journey. Hungry loves company!

Day 2 - Morning

A new day. I am down one pound this morning (don’t worry, I am not fool enough to believe that this means anything. I am all too familiar with the discrepancies in my scale and water weight) and only exceeded my Daily Plate allotted calories by 150 yesterday. Which isn’t too bad considering I have the calorie count set at something ridiculous like losing 20 pounds a week. I just enjoyed my English muffin with cream cheese and I think I am about to enjoy a nice cup of pumpkin spice coffee. Unfortunately I have discovered that such treats, although drinkable in the natural state, are far better with milk and flavorings. And these kind of indulgences are what led me to this weight in the first place.

2 Responses

• Debi

  Hey, a pound is a pound! Sure, maybe it’s the scale. Then again, maybe it’s not!

  *sigh* (Hmmm…this whole “adventure” is going to involve a lot of sighing, isn’t it?) Anyway, your point about the coffee is something I need to tackle immediately. I used to drink my coffee black…now I probably down 10 tsps of sugar a day. Disgusting, huh?

  Okay, so if I’m going to join you here, I probably ought to start a blog, too. The whole accountability thing. Which I’m hoping really holds some water, as the thought of admitting my horrendous habits is pretty freakin’ scary.

• Debi

  I did it. Here.

  Just read your “About”…LOVED IT!!!

What is It?

What is it about watching Biggest Loser that makes me want to eat an entire cake and wash it down with a pound or two of chicken wings? Something about this just isn’t right. I am going to settle for a small bowl of popcorn and a big cup of ice water because that is almost the same thing as cake and chicken wings. Right?

Day One

So it is 5:08 pm and I haven’t chewed my arm off. Yet. I have meatloaf in the oven and am thoroughly enjoying my Diet Orange Crush and chewing gum (not!) while my stomach screams for some real food. I am pretty sure I won’t shrivel to nothing in the next hour. Yeah, pretty sure.

In the beginning...

I need to lose 10 pounds. Times 10. OK…realistically I am going to attempt to lose between 80 and 90. But you have to reach for the moon and you still land among the stars, right? Or something like that. Motivational phrases are not my strong suit. Obviously, since those with an affinity for motivational phrases are probably motivated which generally keeps you from being 100 pounds overweight. Or so I am guessing, since I really wouldn’t know first hand.

So without a long backstory as to how I got here, I am just going to begin where I am. Which is fat. Not chubby. Not overweight. Downright fat. There I said it…now let the magic begin and the weight fall off. After all, isn’t acceptance the first step in fixing a problem?

I am blessed (read: cursed) with a super thin husband. And while I love him with all of my heart, sometimes I wish he had the urge to sit down and throw back an entire package of Oreos with me. But, alas, I eat alone. I certainly can’t blame my weight on him, but we can say that his idea of a good and tasty meal (chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes and gravy, corn on the cob slathered with butter) is not my body’s idea of health food. Don’t get me wrong…I LOVE the foods he likes. I just can’t eat them without a nasty increase in poundage. And suffice it to say that he doesn’t love veggies and low fat foods. You can see the dilemma…

This is, of course, not the first time I have been on a diet (and yes, I realize it is a “lifestyle change”, not a diet but in the end it means the same damn thing - I am freakin’ hungry!). I have tried Phen-fen (miracle in a pill except that nagging little detail of heart damage), Weight Watchers, South Beach, Atkins, the Zone…I am sure there are more, but I am getting hungry and need to go find something to eat.

So back to the beginning. Here I am. Fat. Hungry. And hoping that this is the time that I can finally fit my fat ass into the same pair of pants for more than 6 months before I explode out of them. We shall see…

BTW, did I mention that I HATE to exercise. Yeah, that helps the situation…

One Response

• Debi

  Dammit woman! What are trying to do here? Motivate me or something?!! Amazing how much of that I could have written myself. *sigh*

  Okay, this is it. I’m hopping on board with you. I really am. (The “I really am” was more directed at the part of brain that’s screaming, “What the hell are you talking about?!!” than at you who may or may not be shaking your head in disbelief at this drastic proclamation.)

  Hmmm…and I should probably go read the rest of your posts before jumping on the bandwagon, but hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Or something like that…I’m obviously not so good with those motivational phrases either.