Fat camp. Or a personal chef to fix me beautiful, tasty, low calorie nutritious morsels that will stop me from seeing potato chips and creme brulee and fettucine alfredo in my dreams. Why is it that this weight loss battle is one I just can’t seem to win? Of course there are other things in life that are hard, but somehow I manage to get through all of those things. I guess it would help if I didn’t like food so much, but seriously, this is just ridiculous. I can’t even figure out any deeply rooted emotional issues that would hold me back. And I have looked.
So today is another day. I am going to attempt to be aware of what I eat and make good choices. I am going to try to figure out what is happening in my brain when I put food in my mouth. I just really hope that I can figure this out. I am tired. But mostly, I am tired of being fat.
1 Response
This post totally made me want to cry. Because I get it all too well. I don’t think I have any underlying emotional issues at the root of my weight problem either. I really don’t. I suspect there are biological reasons that play a part, and there’s stress, and there’s sleep deprivation, etc. But still I can’t help but just see myself as a big fat jerk for not being able to lose this weight. I’m not stupid…I know what I have to do. But I can’t seem to do it. I thought nothing would ever be harder than quitting smoking all those years ago. Ha! That was a piece of cake in comparison. Truthfully, I think if you could live without eating at all, I’d be much better off…I can sort of cling to total deprivation. But having to put food in my mouth–well, I seem to just rebel completely when it comes to making the right choices.
Sorry, didn’t mean to babble on here. Really just wanted to say that I understand. And I’m still here cheering you on through this hell on earth battle.